I just had a long weekend away, staying with my family. Short practices each morning, apart from Saturday (the first time I've actually managed to make Saturday my rest day for some weeks now). It's hard to practice when there's so much else going on! Jump throughs are a little stronger. Ribs seem to have kind of reached a sticking point. They're too sore for me to try working Mari D on the first side still.
Parts of the weekend were lovely, seeing my family, going to Wimbledon (centre court! almost 9 hours of tennis, I can't remember the last time I sat for so long!), lots of nephew time, and very relaxing being away from my PhD. Also, my job interview in Cambridge! I feel like it went OK, now I have a long wait to see if I get offered the role. I would love, love, love the job. Meeting the people, seeing the facilities - and the setting - really did make up my mind. I'm ready for a big change in my life.
Other parts were grim. Someone close to me had some sad news recently, and now has some further health worries. It's not my news to tell, and certainly not to put out there on the internet, but it's been pretty stressful. A call for help/company woke me after I'd dozed off on Friday night and had me running across town and dreading what I'd find (accompanied by what I tend to think of as the atheist's prayer - 'fucketyfuckeytfuckfuckfuck' repeated until crisis finally occurs or is averted). Anyway, there wasn't the crisis I was scared of, a slight false alarm, just the continual ongoing crappiness of worry and ill health. And, selfishly, very little sleep for me and far, far too much adrenaline.
Stressful hospital time on Monday, more stress of course for others, I was just there for extra support.
Nephew and I continue with our mutual adoration. We are the Queen and Crown Prince of the Double Downward Dog. He fits pretty well into the space beneath me, and loves to sneak in and strike up his own asana if he spots me having a good stretch after lying or sitting for too long. He loves to say my name. Aunty Ragdoll! Aunty Ragdoll! Whenever he had to go somewhere 'is Aunty Ragdoll coming?', whenever I put on my shoes 'Where's Aunty Ragdoll going? Aunty Ragdoll coming back?'. I love how he talks things through when he's worried. He wanted to look over and over at a picture of a scary pumpkin (a long story!) and each time told me it was a pumpkin, with a candle, and it was scary, but there was no pumpkin here now, was there? So it was OK. He repeated it over and over to reassure himself.
Lots of sleep on Sunday afternoon, and through the night. In fact I gave up my fight against sleep when Germany went 3-1 up, woke for a brief couple of hours, then back to bed until morning.
Lots of good food, courtesy of my Mum and Mr Waitrose.
Beautiful weather.
Good times with my Dad. My patience with him increases over time. I'm letting things go a lot more.
Tuesday, 29 June 2010
Thursday, 24 June 2010
strong but unfocused
A weird practice last night, a friend today described it as 'hectic', which summed it up. I love the sessions which are full of people, all at different stages, but found it strangely distracting last night. My breath and focus were all over the place - I'm realising more and more how much I like to practice near to someone with a good ujjayi breath, to help me keep track of my own. Clearly not something I should get dependent on! I also nearly skipped a pose.
All of the asana seemed good last night though, strong and flexible. Incredible forward bends.
H crossed my feet in Supta K, a first, and it was incredibly comfortable! No hand binding though, but I (we) think that when my ribs are healed then the bind won't be long coming.
Mari D on the first side stressed me out, I can't seem to find a happy compromise with that while my injury stops me from twisting my arm around. I get frustrated, which makes me tense, which makes everything worse. And the lack of focus meant I forgot to breath into it and focus on the up motion. Bound on the left side though, with no help. I did it twice on the second side - once to work the twist, once (here's ego/vanity/pride etc) to get the bind. Just because.
Headstand and all variations were really good, and coming after particularly open backbending I did have one of those 'oh, so you mean that the pose before helps me achieve the pose after? Oh.' moments. So, working harder at UD is helping me to achieve a deeper and fuller halasana and karnapidasana.
Headstand was shonky, but better than nothing. I didn't truly find the tilt, though still got up there OK on the second attempt and could feel my core muscles working.
_____________
This morning I never felt right, and after two full Chaturangas I put my knees down every time. Ribs felt wrong. Went to modified Parivritta Parsvakonasana, but even that was too much so I skipped it. Then in the first vinyasa, to move into Utkatasana, even as I raised my arms and prepared to fold forward I just felt like I could feel my ribs too much - not painful, but just a little too present somehow. So, I went straight to the three closing - I'm sure I'm fine, but getting super cautious.
Tomorrow I can't get to the led class in the evening, and have limited time in the morning, so I think I'll go back to Swenson's 30 minute version.
All of the asana seemed good last night though, strong and flexible. Incredible forward bends.
H crossed my feet in Supta K, a first, and it was incredibly comfortable! No hand binding though, but I (we) think that when my ribs are healed then the bind won't be long coming.
Mari D on the first side stressed me out, I can't seem to find a happy compromise with that while my injury stops me from twisting my arm around. I get frustrated, which makes me tense, which makes everything worse. And the lack of focus meant I forgot to breath into it and focus on the up motion. Bound on the left side though, with no help. I did it twice on the second side - once to work the twist, once (here's ego/vanity/pride etc) to get the bind. Just because.
Headstand and all variations were really good, and coming after particularly open backbending I did have one of those 'oh, so you mean that the pose before helps me achieve the pose after? Oh.' moments. So, working harder at UD is helping me to achieve a deeper and fuller halasana and karnapidasana.
Headstand was shonky, but better than nothing. I didn't truly find the tilt, though still got up there OK on the second attempt and could feel my core muscles working.
_____________
This morning I never felt right, and after two full Chaturangas I put my knees down every time. Ribs felt wrong. Went to modified Parivritta Parsvakonasana, but even that was too much so I skipped it. Then in the first vinyasa, to move into Utkatasana, even as I raised my arms and prepared to fold forward I just felt like I could feel my ribs too much - not painful, but just a little too present somehow. So, I went straight to the three closing - I'm sure I'm fine, but getting super cautious.
Tomorrow I can't get to the led class in the evening, and have limited time in the morning, so I think I'll go back to Swenson's 30 minute version.
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Good news, Bad news
Good news - England 1, Slovenia 0
Bad news - just about to eat my pre-yoga supper of tinned soup, only to discover I've managed to bring in a tin which needs a tin opener to get into.
Happy but hungry.
Bad news - just about to eat my pre-yoga supper of tinned soup, only to discover I've managed to bring in a tin which needs a tin opener to get into.
Happy but hungry.
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
another day another practice
Another good practice, more progress with my recovering ribs.
Used two pillows to help with my confidence in arm pressure posture, and did get noticeably further that way, my forehead skimming the top pillow. Maybe a use for blocks in class?
Three headstands, the first I tapped the wall lightly with one foot, the second was better. Up from the tilt, legs in then up, for a few breaths. On the third, I stayed up for just enough to feel the balance, then focused on getting down more smoothly. Still pretty ungainly, but I brought my legs down before bending them before thumping to the floor. It felt right - working my core - though it may not have looked any better than my usual collapse.
Did all shoulder stand variations, after a discussion on another blog. Knowing that other people achieve them in the morning is spurring me on to believe it's possible! Knees certainly not on the floor for Karnthingummy, but not a bad version of the pose.
Used two pillows to help with my confidence in arm pressure posture, and did get noticeably further that way, my forehead skimming the top pillow. Maybe a use for blocks in class?
Three headstands, the first I tapped the wall lightly with one foot, the second was better. Up from the tilt, legs in then up, for a few breaths. On the third, I stayed up for just enough to feel the balance, then focused on getting down more smoothly. Still pretty ungainly, but I brought my legs down before bending them before thumping to the floor. It felt right - working my core - though it may not have looked any better than my usual collapse.
Did all shoulder stand variations, after a discussion on another blog. Knowing that other people achieve them in the morning is spurring me on to believe it's possible! Knees certainly not on the floor for Karnthingummy, but not a bad version of the pose.
Monday, 21 June 2010
making sacrifices
I've been thinking, over the weekend and today, about the sacrifices I've made, and might be prepared to make, for my practice.
When I think about explaining it to someone else, I do arrange my life around my practice a little. What and when I eat, and when I sleep and get up. Avoiding late nights. Avoiding alcohol if I'm practicing the next morning. Avoiding planning things on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, as that's when my preferred classes are held.
It seems to have happened gradually. Will I go further? If I get a job where I have to be in at 9am, and have a commute to get there, how early would I get up to squeeze in my practice? How much extra would I pay in rent for a house nearer to work to give me more precious time in the morning? How much money will I spend on classes and equipment? How many social events will I miss or leave early to get to bed early? How much more will I change what I eat and drink?
And when do I know whether I'm making a 'good' sacrifice, or a 'bad' one? Will I know if there's a tipping point between my practice benefiting my whole life, or restricting my whole life?
No answers, just musings. How much of a commitment do I want to make?
________________________
Good practice tonight. Strong. Unfocused to start with, but I got more into it as I went along. Seated postures remain a bit lopsided, as my ribs pull on the second side in most of the forward bends.
Twisting's difficult. Trying to find a balance between working and hurting, pushing myself enough but not too much. H encouraged me to lengthen up and to improve my alignment in the twist that I could achieve.
Worked on Bhujapipasana a little, tried with my legs a little lower on my arms - harder in terms of strength, but it felt easier to tilt myself. My head is nowhere near the floor - I need to work on that with cushions in case of an unplanned nose/floor interaction.
Shoulder stand was good, missed out knees to ears and also the hugging pose, but balance for the initial lotus was excellent.
Asked for help on Uttana Padasana (flying fish!) and finally feel like I can see what I've been doing wrong. I need to be up further on my head, relying less on the curve in my lower back, and consciously working my stomach muscles.
Headstand was good. Tilting, floating up just a fraction, knees to chest, then legs up one at a time in quick succession. Had to work hard to get feet together and maintain a balance, working my weight onto my arms a little more. Counted to 5 breaths before I remembered I was better with the singing (my hair like jesus wore it, hallelujah I adore it . . . ). An inelegant exit. I think it's still so exciting for me to get into headstand that I stay up too long, and don't save enough focus or energy to work on getting down.
Couldn't bind on Baddha Padmasana.
Can feel my ribs a little now. But slowly getting better again, a little easier each practice.
When I think about explaining it to someone else, I do arrange my life around my practice a little. What and when I eat, and when I sleep and get up. Avoiding late nights. Avoiding alcohol if I'm practicing the next morning. Avoiding planning things on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, as that's when my preferred classes are held.
It seems to have happened gradually. Will I go further? If I get a job where I have to be in at 9am, and have a commute to get there, how early would I get up to squeeze in my practice? How much extra would I pay in rent for a house nearer to work to give me more precious time in the morning? How much money will I spend on classes and equipment? How many social events will I miss or leave early to get to bed early? How much more will I change what I eat and drink?
And when do I know whether I'm making a 'good' sacrifice, or a 'bad' one? Will I know if there's a tipping point between my practice benefiting my whole life, or restricting my whole life?
No answers, just musings. How much of a commitment do I want to make?
________________________
Good practice tonight. Strong. Unfocused to start with, but I got more into it as I went along. Seated postures remain a bit lopsided, as my ribs pull on the second side in most of the forward bends.
Twisting's difficult. Trying to find a balance between working and hurting, pushing myself enough but not too much. H encouraged me to lengthen up and to improve my alignment in the twist that I could achieve.
Worked on Bhujapipasana a little, tried with my legs a little lower on my arms - harder in terms of strength, but it felt easier to tilt myself. My head is nowhere near the floor - I need to work on that with cushions in case of an unplanned nose/floor interaction.
Shoulder stand was good, missed out knees to ears and also the hugging pose, but balance for the initial lotus was excellent.
Asked for help on Uttana Padasana (flying fish!) and finally feel like I can see what I've been doing wrong. I need to be up further on my head, relying less on the curve in my lower back, and consciously working my stomach muscles.
Headstand was good. Tilting, floating up just a fraction, knees to chest, then legs up one at a time in quick succession. Had to work hard to get feet together and maintain a balance, working my weight onto my arms a little more. Counted to 5 breaths before I remembered I was better with the singing (my hair like jesus wore it, hallelujah I adore it . . . ). An inelegant exit. I think it's still so exciting for me to get into headstand that I stay up too long, and don't save enough focus or energy to work on getting down.
Couldn't bind on Baddha Padmasana.
Can feel my ribs a little now. But slowly getting better again, a little easier each practice.
Sunday, 20 June 2010
Mooped. If it's not a real word, it should be.
Pretty mooped today. Operation serotonin seems to have taken a back seat lately, not least because I've been having too much fun to think about it. What was that about 'when you want to go fast . . . '? I need a bit more time to myself than I've been getting lately. Two more busy weekends coming up too.
Last night I had a bit of a panic about the PhD, and work. All stuff that's a lot clearer and less stressful in the cold light of day, but that sort of panic is unusual for me, so definitely a warning sign.
Friday's practice was a quiet led, just half a dozen or so of us there. Makes for a different atmosphere, I like that the group can change in size a little, you get a different sort of class sometimes.
Predictably exhausting, few actually skipped poses, but lots of modifications. Too tired and grumpy right now to go over things properly. One pose that I can still feel improving is arm pressure posture, which we had a bit of a play around with in the class. Lots of help with headstand. H kept me - or helped me stay, I should stay - up for what felt like ages. Scary. There may have been whimpering.
I noticed that my breath seems to have changed, the ujjayi (spelling?) comes and goes, but it's getting slowly more consistent. The inhale's definitely louder than the exhale, not sure whether I should be bothered about that at this stage.
Saturday morning I was so hungry after barely eating the previous evening (a bought tub of salad in front of the football. Could have been time better spent cooking a meal from scratch for 90 minutes . . . ) that I had breakfast before practice. With skipping twists and jumps anyway, I can't say that I noticed any difference practicing an hour and a half after two slices of toast. Plus I felt it couldn't do any harm to be a bit more warmed up before starting. 3 headstands, first I touched the wall and balanced for a few breaths. Second I felt I went up much more smoothly, two feet together, bent legs towards my chest, then up from there one at a time. Up for a few breaths, and trying to come out a little more elegantly, but I can't/don't/won't get the tilt of my torso when it comes to lowering my legs. A third attempt - up a little to quickly to balance. Didn't attempt a 4th, could feel myself getting both tired and irritated.
((((Baddha Padmasana)))) I love that I have a new pose that I can 'do' and work on.
Ribs feel pretty good after a day off today. The rest of me, not so much. A combination of alcohol and lack of sleep, not enough food for the past few days, and rubbish food today (chippy chips! the food equivalent of a one night stand - not least that they actually stop being fun half way through). And spending a glorious sunny day indoors dealing with work email. And general moopishness. Meh.
NB - I just googled 'mooped'. Is there any word that urban dictionary can't make up a dozen meanings for?
Last night I had a bit of a panic about the PhD, and work. All stuff that's a lot clearer and less stressful in the cold light of day, but that sort of panic is unusual for me, so definitely a warning sign.
Friday's practice was a quiet led, just half a dozen or so of us there. Makes for a different atmosphere, I like that the group can change in size a little, you get a different sort of class sometimes.
Predictably exhausting, few actually skipped poses, but lots of modifications. Too tired and grumpy right now to go over things properly. One pose that I can still feel improving is arm pressure posture, which we had a bit of a play around with in the class. Lots of help with headstand. H kept me - or helped me stay, I should stay - up for what felt like ages. Scary. There may have been whimpering.
I noticed that my breath seems to have changed, the ujjayi (spelling?) comes and goes, but it's getting slowly more consistent. The inhale's definitely louder than the exhale, not sure whether I should be bothered about that at this stage.
Saturday morning I was so hungry after barely eating the previous evening (a bought tub of salad in front of the football. Could have been time better spent cooking a meal from scratch for 90 minutes . . . ) that I had breakfast before practice. With skipping twists and jumps anyway, I can't say that I noticed any difference practicing an hour and a half after two slices of toast. Plus I felt it couldn't do any harm to be a bit more warmed up before starting. 3 headstands, first I touched the wall and balanced for a few breaths. Second I felt I went up much more smoothly, two feet together, bent legs towards my chest, then up from there one at a time. Up for a few breaths, and trying to come out a little more elegantly, but I can't/don't/won't get the tilt of my torso when it comes to lowering my legs. A third attempt - up a little to quickly to balance. Didn't attempt a 4th, could feel myself getting both tired and irritated.
((((Baddha Padmasana)))) I love that I have a new pose that I can 'do' and work on.
Ribs feel pretty good after a day off today. The rest of me, not so much. A combination of alcohol and lack of sleep, not enough food for the past few days, and rubbish food today (chippy chips! the food equivalent of a one night stand - not least that they actually stop being fun half way through). And spending a glorious sunny day indoors dealing with work email. And general moopishness. Meh.
NB - I just googled 'mooped'. Is there any word that urban dictionary can't make up a dozen meanings for?
Thursday, 17 June 2010
Careful practice, considerate boss.
A reasonably full practice this morning, considering how I felt about things last night.
3 namasakar A, 2 B. Some full chaturangas, and transition to upward dog was fine, but no jumpting. I skipped all twists, both standing and seated. And both warriors, but that wasn't actually deliberate!
For the Kurmasanas I did the modification, then a fuller version, putting my arms under.
Gentle back bending, one full UD. The only thing that was actually painful was coming out of shoulder stand. I thought I was being careful, but clearly not careful enough.
Headstand was pretty good - this time last week I've had said yay, headstand was fantastic - I got up without touching the wall, held for a while (accompanied by a quick verse of something, as it happens!) came down when I chose to. Wanted to work harder on a smoother lift though.
for Baddha Padmasana I was just seeing if I could bind one side and . . oh look. Both sides. Now can I just fold a little, carefully . . . oh, there's the floor. Right by my nose.
So, nowhere near the return to the drastically modified practice that I'd feared. It's definitely the twisting, and the twisting on the first side, that's the problem. Frustrating.
________
And my lovely boss/line manager emailed me last night to check I was OK, as I hadn't been my 'usual chirpy self' at an event during the day. She was checking I was all happy in my role, and what's being asked of me etc, and suggested I could work from home more often if I wanted to. So, that was cool. I felt bad that it had been noticed at work, but nice that she was concerned for me.
3 namasakar A, 2 B. Some full chaturangas, and transition to upward dog was fine, but no jumpting. I skipped all twists, both standing and seated. And both warriors, but that wasn't actually deliberate!
For the Kurmasanas I did the modification, then a fuller version, putting my arms under.
Gentle back bending, one full UD. The only thing that was actually painful was coming out of shoulder stand. I thought I was being careful, but clearly not careful enough.
Headstand was pretty good - this time last week I've had said yay, headstand was fantastic - I got up without touching the wall, held for a while (accompanied by a quick verse of something, as it happens!) came down when I chose to. Wanted to work harder on a smoother lift though.
for Baddha Padmasana I was just seeing if I could bind one side and . . oh look. Both sides. Now can I just fold a little, carefully . . . oh, there's the floor. Right by my nose.
So, nowhere near the return to the drastically modified practice that I'd feared. It's definitely the twisting, and the twisting on the first side, that's the problem. Frustrating.
________
And my lovely boss/line manager emailed me last night to check I was OK, as I hadn't been my 'usual chirpy self' at an event during the day. She was checking I was all happy in my role, and what's being asked of me etc, and suggested I could work from home more often if I wanted to. So, that was cool. I felt bad that it had been noticed at work, but nice that she was concerned for me.
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
When you want to go fast, go slow.
My ribs hurt again. Fine all day yesterday, despite that slight twinge in Mari D, but then after swimming this morning, as I was getting changed, I realised they were really aching. Hurting when I breathed too deeply. Hurting when I pushed a door, hurting when I changed down into second gear as I drove home after work. Not nearly on the same scale as when I hurt them initially, but enough to get me pretty downhearted.
The title is something that I’ve seen in a mental health context.
It’s a reminder for the anorexic who’s stuck to their meal plan for two days, and wants to leap ahead to eating five of their most challenging foods in one week. The depressive who feels so happy they decide they can quit the SSRIs without consulting their doctor. The alcoholic who’s been sober a week and can’t wait to meet their friends in the pub and tell them all about it.
When you want to go fast, when you want to run ahead onto the next stage, that’s when the risk of relapse is greatest. Stop and adjust to the progress you’ve already made, and that progress will still be there tomorrow. Try to leap forward and you might find it’s turned into a massive step back.
So the ‘go slow’ mantra has been in my head since I first hurt my ribs, but came into its own today
When you want to go fast, go slow.
When you think your world’s going to collapse if you skip a class, skip a class.
The title is something that I’ve seen in a mental health context.
It’s a reminder for the anorexic who’s stuck to their meal plan for two days, and wants to leap ahead to eating five of their most challenging foods in one week. The depressive who feels so happy they decide they can quit the SSRIs without consulting their doctor. The alcoholic who’s been sober a week and can’t wait to meet their friends in the pub and tell them all about it.
When you want to go fast, when you want to run ahead onto the next stage, that’s when the risk of relapse is greatest. Stop and adjust to the progress you’ve already made, and that progress will still be there tomorrow. Try to leap forward and you might find it’s turned into a massive step back.
So the ‘go slow’ mantra has been in my head since I first hurt my ribs, but came into its own today
When you want to go fast, go slow.
When you think your world’s going to collapse if you skip a class, skip a class.
Tuesday, 15 June 2010
A Joyful Practice.
Yeah. Just made myself feel a little bit sick with my own title there. Ah well, if I can't embrace my inner hippy here, where can I?
Last night's practice was great, really enjoyed it all. Recently, I've been getting satisfaction only from a few poses, or from the fact that the whole process is nice when it stops. Last night, everything was good.
Felt very strong, didn't touch my knees to the floor on any chaturanga. Even the balances were pretty good.
Virabhadrasana II (warrior II) is in danger of doing my head in. My shoulders are always getting pushed down, even when I think I've achieved it already. I'm breathing in, focusing on my legs and torso, breathing out, dropping my shoulders. I should have a bit of a play with the mirror at home, see if I can see what H sees. Some postures, being aware of a teacher in the vicinity (or even the gaze of someone else) makes me aware of something that needs smartening up, and I do it, and the reminder's no longer needed. Not in this one, I can't figure it out.
Didn't need much help to bind MD on the second side, and was really close on the first. Supta K felt a lot better than expected, my hands nearly touch (I'm reliably told - I can't feel that) and my shoulders are comfortable. Even headstands were pretty good, I did two and on the second managed to get up and down fairly smoothly without touching the wall, and then to stay for what felt like ages. Really pleased with that second one, I had to focus and calm myself and not get scared/frustrated.
Bound in Baddha Padmasana with a little help.
This morning was good too, still no modified chaturanga. Touched fingers in Mari D, second side, but couldn't make the bind.
And supta K is just not happening in the mornings - I can't get anywhere near a) that early and b)without help.
Another thing that's not happening is the jump throughs. They seem draggier than ever. They've always been a bit hit and miss, but now I only seem to have one or two each practice that I'm actually pleased with. Need to focus a little more on getting my weight forward, lifting, making space - which reminds me that Bhujapidasana seems to be back almost to where it was before I hurt my ribs. The exit, not so much. Not that I was ever near to jumping back, but I was straightening my legs and lifting my chest and getting towards taking one leg back. Now I straighten my legs and sit down almost immediately.
Shoulder stand this morning was good. I just did one, up first time and held it for a while - not pretty, I don't think (back to the banana on its stalk interpretation of the pose), but getting into it was good at least.
And, nearly forgot (this is very random and disjointed today, even by my usual standards) when I did Mari D on the first side, my ribs hurt for a moment afterwards. Fine after, for the rest of the practice and so far all day, but just a little reminder that they're still there.
Last night's practice was great, really enjoyed it all. Recently, I've been getting satisfaction only from a few poses, or from the fact that the whole process is nice when it stops. Last night, everything was good.
Felt very strong, didn't touch my knees to the floor on any chaturanga. Even the balances were pretty good.
Virabhadrasana II (warrior II) is in danger of doing my head in. My shoulders are always getting pushed down, even when I think I've achieved it already. I'm breathing in, focusing on my legs and torso, breathing out, dropping my shoulders. I should have a bit of a play with the mirror at home, see if I can see what H sees. Some postures, being aware of a teacher in the vicinity (or even the gaze of someone else) makes me aware of something that needs smartening up, and I do it, and the reminder's no longer needed. Not in this one, I can't figure it out.
Didn't need much help to bind MD on the second side, and was really close on the first. Supta K felt a lot better than expected, my hands nearly touch (I'm reliably told - I can't feel that) and my shoulders are comfortable. Even headstands were pretty good, I did two and on the second managed to get up and down fairly smoothly without touching the wall, and then to stay for what felt like ages. Really pleased with that second one, I had to focus and calm myself and not get scared/frustrated.
Bound in Baddha Padmasana with a little help.
This morning was good too, still no modified chaturanga. Touched fingers in Mari D, second side, but couldn't make the bind.
And supta K is just not happening in the mornings - I can't get anywhere near a) that early and b)without help.
Another thing that's not happening is the jump throughs. They seem draggier than ever. They've always been a bit hit and miss, but now I only seem to have one or two each practice that I'm actually pleased with. Need to focus a little more on getting my weight forward, lifting, making space - which reminds me that Bhujapidasana seems to be back almost to where it was before I hurt my ribs. The exit, not so much. Not that I was ever near to jumping back, but I was straightening my legs and lifting my chest and getting towards taking one leg back. Now I straighten my legs and sit down almost immediately.
Shoulder stand this morning was good. I just did one, up first time and held it for a while - not pretty, I don't think (back to the banana on its stalk interpretation of the pose), but getting into it was good at least.
And, nearly forgot (this is very random and disjointed today, even by my usual standards) when I did Mari D on the first side, my ribs hurt for a moment afterwards. Fine after, for the rest of the practice and so far all day, but just a little reminder that they're still there.
Monday, 14 June 2010
Full led. Crikey.
Full led primary on Friday, the first I'd been to for quite a few weeks. Boy do I have a long way to go before I'm fit enough to keep up with that! I was exhausted half way through, and after adding in all vinyasas on Wednesday I was skipping them again to make sure I was getting set up properly for Mari B and D. Incredibly flexibility in forward bends, and wide leg ones especially - an assist had me squashed flat as a pancake for Upavista Konasana. I really wanted to go back to Kurmasana after that to see whether I could improve on my previous effort now I'd had all the tension squished out of me. Back bends were pretty good, moved my hands in by what felt like a long way, probably about a cm! And then regretted it when we held that last one for 10 breaths. Oh, and I added the full Uttana Padasana. Uncomfy, need to set that up more carefully, bring the effort up into my chest/upper back maybe. Found out today that it's known as 'flying fish'. Ha. Not my interpretation. Puffing flounder, perhaps.
Saturday morning was a tough practice. Annoyingly, I knew it was a moon day, which probably didn't help (While I have a lot of respect for the tradition etc, I've not seen empirical evidence for an effect of the moon on the body. What I have seen empirical evidence for is the placebo effect). But what really wouldn't have helped was the previous night's practice. No binding in Mari D, but good deep forward bends on A and B. Headstand was a thing of great beauty (ahem) in that I got that 'tilt', let my feet leave the floor, bent my legs but moved them up to vertical slowly. No kicking and flailing, no touching the wall.
So much else, non yoga stuff, that I want to witter on about, but my work is calling me for the last push before I leave for my class. Let's just say that I have a World Cup Wallchart, and I'm not afraid to use it.
Saturday morning was a tough practice. Annoyingly, I knew it was a moon day, which probably didn't help (While I have a lot of respect for the tradition etc, I've not seen empirical evidence for an effect of the moon on the body. What I have seen empirical evidence for is the placebo effect). But what really wouldn't have helped was the previous night's practice. No binding in Mari D, but good deep forward bends on A and B. Headstand was a thing of great beauty (ahem) in that I got that 'tilt', let my feet leave the floor, bent my legs but moved them up to vertical slowly. No kicking and flailing, no touching the wall.
So much else, non yoga stuff, that I want to witter on about, but my work is calling me for the last push before I leave for my class. Let's just say that I have a World Cup Wallchart, and I'm not afraid to use it.
Thursday, 10 June 2010
One super speedy practice, one painfully slow
I nearly didn't go to practice last night. I'd had some really bad news and was feeling a bit emotional and scattered. Going straight home felt like a far better option, but I knew I'd only regret that so off I went.
So, so glad I did (as usual). I had a brilliant practice with the 'supply teacher', I felt very strong, the breath was far better than usual. All vinyasas in place. Some good squishing assists in upward dog and forward bends. I refused any assistance in Mari D and Supta Kurmasana, but kind of wished I hadn't, everything was so good I started to convince myself I was ready for that. Probably for the best though.
My balance was shot, as was others', I noticed. I wondered if it was to do with having a different teacher, being a bit distracting to some of us.
Headstand was OK, at my new level of OK. *sigh*. Fantastic shoulderstand and all its modifications for the first time - though finding the last of these (hugging my legs to me) a bit of a struggle to balance without putting all the weight in the wrong place.
All in all, I rattled through and felt fab. Absolutely wiped out afterwards though, the week so far had been all emotional ups and downs and a gradually increasing sleep deficit.
One thing I've been thinking about a lot is Uttana Padasana. P asked why I wasn't doing the full posture, and when I mentioned my ribs he pointed out that my back bending was just fine. But, but, but . . . . my core is too weak, my neck feels weird . . . Seemed to make sense at the time, but hmmm. Isn't it funny that the last pose that I still feel I can't do is also my most hated one? Gosh, what a coincidence.
This morning I was physically drained, and took forever to do my practice. Up at 6 am, didn't get off the mat until 8. Paused to make some hot water half way through the namaskaras. Thursday's always a difficult morning practice, after the previous night's class and not having eaten since 5pm or so the previous day. Also, I think going to bed so soon after class makes quite a difference to how flexible - or otherwise - I am the next morning.
Not nearly so strong this morning, lots and lots of pausing for breath, and just as much pausing for thought. All done though, and (again, as usual) felt very glad that I'd pushed on through it.
Not least because I bound Marichyasana D on the second side. All. By. Myself. Felt good - by which I mean wildly uncomfortable, obviously. Once I'd grabbed my fingers I didn't attempt to stretch any further, I could feel it pretty strongly in my ribs already. Five breaths - previous attempts without assistance have seen me 'bind' for maybe a breath before my arm slips off my leg and I'm back to the modified version.
Also, I finally, finally really do love Marichyasna C. Being so much more comfortable in it is giving me the strength/will/freedom to work on keeping my straight leg active, the foot of my bent leg grounded, my free hand on my thigh. All of the things that previously set off the 'you want to put my what by my where while I do that how now?' reaction.
So, so glad I did (as usual). I had a brilliant practice with the 'supply teacher', I felt very strong, the breath was far better than usual. All vinyasas in place. Some good squishing assists in upward dog and forward bends. I refused any assistance in Mari D and Supta Kurmasana, but kind of wished I hadn't, everything was so good I started to convince myself I was ready for that. Probably for the best though.
My balance was shot, as was others', I noticed. I wondered if it was to do with having a different teacher, being a bit distracting to some of us.
Headstand was OK, at my new level of OK. *sigh*. Fantastic shoulderstand and all its modifications for the first time - though finding the last of these (hugging my legs to me) a bit of a struggle to balance without putting all the weight in the wrong place.
All in all, I rattled through and felt fab. Absolutely wiped out afterwards though, the week so far had been all emotional ups and downs and a gradually increasing sleep deficit.
One thing I've been thinking about a lot is Uttana Padasana. P asked why I wasn't doing the full posture, and when I mentioned my ribs he pointed out that my back bending was just fine. But, but, but . . . . my core is too weak, my neck feels weird . . . Seemed to make sense at the time, but hmmm. Isn't it funny that the last pose that I still feel I can't do is also my most hated one? Gosh, what a coincidence.
This morning I was physically drained, and took forever to do my practice. Up at 6 am, didn't get off the mat until 8. Paused to make some hot water half way through the namaskaras. Thursday's always a difficult morning practice, after the previous night's class and not having eaten since 5pm or so the previous day. Also, I think going to bed so soon after class makes quite a difference to how flexible - or otherwise - I am the next morning.
Not nearly so strong this morning, lots and lots of pausing for breath, and just as much pausing for thought. All done though, and (again, as usual) felt very glad that I'd pushed on through it.
Not least because I bound Marichyasana D on the second side. All. By. Myself. Felt good - by which I mean wildly uncomfortable, obviously. Once I'd grabbed my fingers I didn't attempt to stretch any further, I could feel it pretty strongly in my ribs already. Five breaths - previous attempts without assistance have seen me 'bind' for maybe a breath before my arm slips off my leg and I'm back to the modified version.
Also, I finally, finally really do love Marichyasna C. Being so much more comfortable in it is giving me the strength/will/freedom to work on keeping my straight leg active, the foot of my bent leg grounded, my free hand on my thigh. All of the things that previously set off the 'you want to put my what by my where while I do that how now?' reaction.
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
Tuesday morning practice and a potential BNL
A good practice this morning.
My right arm has been hurting a little. The bicep (umm, maybe) hurts, more than just the muscular ache that the left gets. I was connecting this in my mind to the stiffness of that shoulder, but it's all guess work. Anyway, I seem to have figured a more comfortable chaturanga. I kind of rotate my elbows in a little more, right up against my torso, as I bend the elbows. It's a lot more comfortable.
Standing poses are all pretty stiff, from once again leaping out of bed, into my kit, and onto the mat. I'm getting used to this way of practicing as far as my head is concerned, my body's not so sure.
Janu C - knee down, chin to shin, both sides.
For the kurmasanas, I did the modification versions, then the (slightly more) full versions straight afterwards. Feeling better about them already, bending my arms a little in Supta and seeing how it will all be possible again soon.
Headstand - I've settled into one go at keeping my legs straight and tilting, tilting until my feet leave the floor. Raising them a tiny bit, until my core muscles start yelling at me.
Then one go straight up, kicking but aiming for a reasonable amount of grace (usually failing and waking the neighbours with the THUD against the door), and balancing.
Then another go at raising my straight legs as far as possible, without kicking up.
I settled on this as I do want to include the full balance, but when I leave it until the third go I'm tired and more wary of falling. I'm not liking the tilting sensation in this posture, and it's all extra frustrating as I was really getting the balance in the centre of the room for a week or two.
Anyway, a good speedy practice this morning, almost no faffing. Still took a little over an hour though. Eased off on Marichyasana D a lot, my ribs have been a little sore. I think the soreness is from a lot of walking and standing around over the past week, that makes them ache by the end of the day, but still no reason to push my luck.
On edit - I forgot to say that I fully bound on Baddha Padmasana. First time fully, for ten breaths, even with assistance. Something was just right in letting me keep hold of both toes with no cramping. I guess my hips are really opening up, and maybe my shoulders aren't as scrunchy as they sometimes feel.
_______________________________
I spoke to my sister last night, she lives in Hertfordshire with her husband and my nephew (her son, obviously, but first and foremost my nephew!). She was very excited about the chance of my moving to Cambridge, got me pretty excited about it too. Decisions decisions.
More changes in my department at the university here, changes that are going on all over the country, in almost every HE institution. Pretty uncertain times for those of us working in the sector. Whatever I do next will be taking a risk, with my career and my happiness. Big decisions and big changes are not my strong point. I've never had to make a decision like this before now. I've been very lucky with my employment here so far. The vacancies have appeared and I've been right for them. But now the luck has to run out and I might have to upsticks and move to a Brand New Life. Exciting, but very scary too.
I have already checked out the ashtanga classes there though, I can't help thinking that's a bit of a sign that I'm more excited than scared.
My right arm has been hurting a little. The bicep (umm, maybe) hurts, more than just the muscular ache that the left gets. I was connecting this in my mind to the stiffness of that shoulder, but it's all guess work. Anyway, I seem to have figured a more comfortable chaturanga. I kind of rotate my elbows in a little more, right up against my torso, as I bend the elbows. It's a lot more comfortable.
Standing poses are all pretty stiff, from once again leaping out of bed, into my kit, and onto the mat. I'm getting used to this way of practicing as far as my head is concerned, my body's not so sure.
Janu C - knee down, chin to shin, both sides.
For the kurmasanas, I did the modification versions, then the (slightly more) full versions straight afterwards. Feeling better about them already, bending my arms a little in Supta and seeing how it will all be possible again soon.
Headstand - I've settled into one go at keeping my legs straight and tilting, tilting until my feet leave the floor. Raising them a tiny bit, until my core muscles start yelling at me.
Then one go straight up, kicking but aiming for a reasonable amount of grace (usually failing and waking the neighbours with the THUD against the door), and balancing.
Then another go at raising my straight legs as far as possible, without kicking up.
I settled on this as I do want to include the full balance, but when I leave it until the third go I'm tired and more wary of falling. I'm not liking the tilting sensation in this posture, and it's all extra frustrating as I was really getting the balance in the centre of the room for a week or two.
Anyway, a good speedy practice this morning, almost no faffing. Still took a little over an hour though. Eased off on Marichyasana D a lot, my ribs have been a little sore. I think the soreness is from a lot of walking and standing around over the past week, that makes them ache by the end of the day, but still no reason to push my luck.
On edit - I forgot to say that I fully bound on Baddha Padmasana. First time fully, for ten breaths, even with assistance. Something was just right in letting me keep hold of both toes with no cramping. I guess my hips are really opening up, and maybe my shoulders aren't as scrunchy as they sometimes feel.
_______________________________
I spoke to my sister last night, she lives in Hertfordshire with her husband and my nephew (her son, obviously, but first and foremost my nephew!). She was very excited about the chance of my moving to Cambridge, got me pretty excited about it too. Decisions decisions.
More changes in my department at the university here, changes that are going on all over the country, in almost every HE institution. Pretty uncertain times for those of us working in the sector. Whatever I do next will be taking a risk, with my career and my happiness. Big decisions and big changes are not my strong point. I've never had to make a decision like this before now. I've been very lucky with my employment here so far. The vacancies have appeared and I've been right for them. But now the luck has to run out and I might have to upsticks and move to a Brand New Life. Exciting, but very scary too.
I have already checked out the ashtanga classes there though, I can't help thinking that's a bit of a sign that I'm more excited than scared.
Monday, 7 June 2010
Monday morning practice
I never usually practice first thing on a Monday morning, as there's the mysore class in the evening. I'm busy tonight though, so home practice it was. I wasn't sure what classes I'd be getting to this week, but a social thing on Wednesday seems to have fallen through, so it looks like I'll be getting to that Mysore class. I'm glad about that. Classes this week are all taught by someone different while H is away for a week. I'll call him P. Since that's his initial.
I've been taught by him before, and was looking forward to seeing him again (once I'd worked through my abandonment issues, obviously. Started to see it almost as a workshop - an opportunity to work with someone else, rather than just being practice without H), so was disappointed when I realised I might only be able to make the Friday class, which is full led primary, which maybe I'm still not ready for. Pretty much everything after Navasana could be heavy going on the ribs, and I could well get too tired to take proper care of them by the end of the series.
Anyway, the point of that being - can't go tonight so had a rare Monday morning practice.
I've settled into doing my full practice again now, minus 1 Namaskara A and 1 B, and only vinyasa after both sides of each seated pose. This feels like a practice I can reasonably maintain.
I was tired, felt feeble, stiff from too much walking on Saturday followed by too much sitting on Sunday. Plus, I'd practiced on Saturday and rested on Sunday, since I was staying over with my sister on the Saturday night. Still, I came away feeling quite content that I'd done what I could. Janu C continues to feel good on both sides, headstand progress is slow and thoughtful. I can feel pretty scrunchy in that one. My shoulders get very tense (when don't they?!).
Approaching full kurmasanas, but from a very, very long distance. Before injury, there was the occasional time that my fingers would touch, only with lots of help with H, but it was so close. Now that seems impossible again, as my shoulders are re-scrunched, never mind the fact that my ribs may not let me stretch that way for a while longer.
Exciting news today - I just found out that I've got a job interview.
In Cambridge.
When I've figured out how I feel about that, I'll be sure to write it out.
I've been taught by him before, and was looking forward to seeing him again (once I'd worked through my abandonment issues, obviously. Started to see it almost as a workshop - an opportunity to work with someone else, rather than just being practice without H), so was disappointed when I realised I might only be able to make the Friday class, which is full led primary, which maybe I'm still not ready for. Pretty much everything after Navasana could be heavy going on the ribs, and I could well get too tired to take proper care of them by the end of the series.
Anyway, the point of that being - can't go tonight so had a rare Monday morning practice.
I've settled into doing my full practice again now, minus 1 Namaskara A and 1 B, and only vinyasa after both sides of each seated pose. This feels like a practice I can reasonably maintain.
I was tired, felt feeble, stiff from too much walking on Saturday followed by too much sitting on Sunday. Plus, I'd practiced on Saturday and rested on Sunday, since I was staying over with my sister on the Saturday night. Still, I came away feeling quite content that I'd done what I could. Janu C continues to feel good on both sides, headstand progress is slow and thoughtful. I can feel pretty scrunchy in that one. My shoulders get very tense (when don't they?!).
Approaching full kurmasanas, but from a very, very long distance. Before injury, there was the occasional time that my fingers would touch, only with lots of help with H, but it was so close. Now that seems impossible again, as my shoulders are re-scrunched, never mind the fact that my ribs may not let me stretch that way for a while longer.
Exciting news today - I just found out that I've got a job interview.
In Cambridge.
When I've figured out how I feel about that, I'll be sure to write it out.
Saturday, 5 June 2010
too busy to blog
Up, yoga work bed. Or, up work yoga bed. And two swims in between! Kicking along with a float to rest my ribs is possibly the most boring physical activity I've ever put myself through. Keeping up with others' blogs while eating breakfast or lunch at my desk, but getting a post together seems to take more time and concentration than I'd have previously thought.
Yoga's all good, generally feeling very strong, almost back to full strength and flexibility - getting towards the kurmasana's again, with arms going under legs OK. Nearer and nearer to binding Marichyasana D, on the second side at least. Working on getting into headstand with straight legs - boy can I feel my core muscles after that. My arms are buzzing as I type, after a practice that finished over 4 hours ago. My shoulders too. Reminds me of November/December when I really started working the salutations and vinyasas, and my arms were telling me all about it - before, during and after practice.
Work is fantastic, but I'm glad this crazy week is over too. New students are settled in and great fun to work with.
Yoga's all good, generally feeling very strong, almost back to full strength and flexibility - getting towards the kurmasana's again, with arms going under legs OK. Nearer and nearer to binding Marichyasana D, on the second side at least. Working on getting into headstand with straight legs - boy can I feel my core muscles after that. My arms are buzzing as I type, after a practice that finished over 4 hours ago. My shoulders too. Reminds me of November/December when I really started working the salutations and vinyasas, and my arms were telling me all about it - before, during and after practice.
Work is fantastic, but I'm glad this crazy week is over too. New students are settled in and great fun to work with.
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
Monday night, Tuesday morning.
Last night was another weird one. Lots of progress in some ways - did all ten namaskara, modified the last two. Jumping forward feels a lot more secure, back to doing that for all but the first two.
Working on the chaturanga (is it never going to be 'right'?), I've been bending my arms to much, and ending up in an inverted V with my backside in the air. Working on bending my arms to the right angle and keeping my body strong and straight. It feels much better now, more solid.
I don't think I added anything else new, but continuing to get deeper into twists. Loving Janu C. The second side has really reached a point where I feel like I'm working more productively. H also showed me a way of stretching towards sleeping tortoise, my legs in a diamond and folding forwards to put my head behind my heels. Can really feel that working my lower legs.
The tiredness is a bit grim. I feel like I've never be back to full fitness - cardiovascular fitness, I mean. Never my strong point, at the best of times. Hopefully getting back to swimming (tomorrow, hurrah!) will help with that.
Headstand. Meh. H helped me out with the third, so although I still couldn't get the balance properly she helped me stay up a while, all good for increasing my strength. I was a bit down on myself in general yesterday, not just from the frustration of some of the actual asanas.
This morning I did almost full practice (current version of!), all I skipped was one of each namaskara. Everything felt good, pretty good focus and flow - working fast as I had to be at work in good time today! Added in one full UD, way better than I'd expected. Felt great. Headstand - up on the second, for some not-too-panicky breaths. Thanks to focusing on my strength, on knowing I can do it, on keeping my weight in my arms and not so much on my head. I couldn't seem to try it without my fingers intertwined. I think they help me feel locked, solid. I'm thinking that's something to return to when I've got a bit of confidence at the wall, to then help me feel confident in moving away from it.
Feeling very good about the fact that I keep on practicing. I remember reading somewhere someone referring to the fact that the yoga is 'always there'. Something that's always there to turn to. Beginning to see that. I like the fact that I keep on keeping on, despite the frustrations. I'm not skipping the difficult and scary stuff.
Crazy week at work coming up. The good kind of crazy, the kind that's actually all about teaching students. Got to get onto that now - a load of e-learning stuff needs uploading.
Working on the chaturanga (is it never going to be 'right'?), I've been bending my arms to much, and ending up in an inverted V with my backside in the air. Working on bending my arms to the right angle and keeping my body strong and straight. It feels much better now, more solid.
I don't think I added anything else new, but continuing to get deeper into twists. Loving Janu C. The second side has really reached a point where I feel like I'm working more productively. H also showed me a way of stretching towards sleeping tortoise, my legs in a diamond and folding forwards to put my head behind my heels. Can really feel that working my lower legs.
The tiredness is a bit grim. I feel like I've never be back to full fitness - cardiovascular fitness, I mean. Never my strong point, at the best of times. Hopefully getting back to swimming (tomorrow, hurrah!) will help with that.
Headstand. Meh. H helped me out with the third, so although I still couldn't get the balance properly she helped me stay up a while, all good for increasing my strength. I was a bit down on myself in general yesterday, not just from the frustration of some of the actual asanas.
This morning I did almost full practice (current version of!), all I skipped was one of each namaskara. Everything felt good, pretty good focus and flow - working fast as I had to be at work in good time today! Added in one full UD, way better than I'd expected. Felt great. Headstand - up on the second, for some not-too-panicky breaths. Thanks to focusing on my strength, on knowing I can do it, on keeping my weight in my arms and not so much on my head. I couldn't seem to try it without my fingers intertwined. I think they help me feel locked, solid. I'm thinking that's something to return to when I've got a bit of confidence at the wall, to then help me feel confident in moving away from it.
Feeling very good about the fact that I keep on practicing. I remember reading somewhere someone referring to the fact that the yoga is 'always there'. Something that's always there to turn to. Beginning to see that. I like the fact that I keep on keeping on, despite the frustrations. I'm not skipping the difficult and scary stuff.
Crazy week at work coming up. The good kind of crazy, the kind that's actually all about teaching students. Got to get onto that now - a load of e-learning stuff needs uploading.
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